What i have Become
by UnexplainableTendencies
Summary: Relena has been gone for a long time and when she comes back to view she is not what she used to be. What has happened? Can she be trusted? Is she the same loving Relena everyone has known?
1. those fake oak doors

"What I have become"

**Chapter one**

"Those fake oak doors"

***Relena***

With a pace of 5 seconds per step, I walked across a slightly stained floor, past numerous of desks covered with scattered papers and some clearly were used to have sex on, past a dead crusty plant that died at least a month ago, and towards an oak wooden door that was clearly fake. From 3 feet and 10 inches away, I could notice all the fingerprints and diseases all over the steel handle. I'm sure the handle is actually cheap medal that was made in a fancy way at a high price. The see through glass to the office on both sides of the doors were probably plastic.

Regardless of what was on the handle, I reached and gripped it and turned it. With just a nudge it was already half-way open. This door would be one of those doors that would fly back closed if you tried to slam it open into the wall. From the looks of it, it seems that someone has already tried that. There is a nice 2 inch dent in the wall where the handle must have jarred the wall. Too bad I wasn't there; it would have been funny to see. I wonder who the lucky one was who got embarrassed at his not so dramatic entrance. I'm sure the door flew back and hit him in the face. As a matter of fact, I think I see a tiny blood stain in the middle of the door about 5 foot 7 inches up. Yes, that must have been a broken nose.

Looking straight ahead into the office that was so dark that you wouldn't be able to see a hand in front of your face, I was certain where everything I needed was. The windows were to the left from the door entrance and the bathroom/closet was the fake oak wood door to the right. Dead center of the room was this small desk with papers and papers everywhere. The keyboard and mouse were most likely hidden or haven't been seen in weeks. The computer on the desk has been upgraded at least 3 years ago with a faster better model. The phone hasn't been seen since who knows when. A file cabinet is to the side of the desk on the left side from the door's view and in the bottom drawer were ALL the files on the wars 6 to 7 years ago. Of course that drawer was looked with a combination that wouldn't be found anywhere in the room except in that one tiny book on the shelf behind the desk.

In the files is all the data on the gundam pilots, gundams, mobile dolls, and any enemies from years past. Also in that drawer is that most recently looked through file. That file has a very important person in it and was respected greatly yet still unfound for at least 3 years 29 days and 13 hours. That person is Relena Peacecraft/Dorlian and that person is me. Plus, I plan to steal that whole drawer except that one file. This is my office. This WAS my office. This used to be my home and I'm sure my brother hasn't dared to change it.

Walking straight, taking a right 7 shorts steps in the room, taking a left after 3 steps, and taking another left after 2. Pushing the chair under the desk, walking 2 steps forward, crouching down, pulling a hair pin out of my pocket and sticking it into the key hole, I fiddle around. After about 55 seconds of fiddling, the lock budged and the drawer slid open. With so much confidence, I grab all the files except the one in the very, very back. My folder is in the back for sure. Standing up with an arm full of files and notebooks, I nudge the drawer closed and turned back around to head for the door after hearing the sound of it relocking.

Successfully out of the office and into the fully lit hallway, I pause. The elevator at the very end of the hall mocks me. Many times before I have stared at that elevator and every time I looked at that elevator I turned back to the office. I don't know why but I never really want to leave the solitude of the office. It is the only room that is mine completely. It used to be mine I mean.

Slipping off the too big for me sneakers and setting the files on the secretary's desk, I walk barefoot back into the office. Running my hand down the wall, I flick on the light and stand there.

Forcing my hand into the pocket of my baggy pants, I pull out an envelope. Walking straight, I place the letter on top of the computer just like I used to. When I wanted to say something but didn't have the time or the guts to say it, I would write a letter, put it in an envelope, and place it on the computer.

Scanning the room with memories of late nights, I pause at the window sill. It was still there. The home-made quilt of bright blues was still there. I used that quilt every night I stayed late which was nearly every night. It was a gift from Hilde. She was so caring.

Dropping my gaze to the floor, my eyes stung. Nearly jogging out, flicking off the light, shutting the door, and scooping up my shoes and files, I ran down the hall and skidded into the elevator. Without even looking at the buttons, I pressed the bottom level, the parking lot. As the doors started sliding to a close, I got one last glance at those fake oak doors. When the elevator jolted and started to go down, I let one tear go down with it.

TBC


	2. no answer

"What I have become"

**Chapter two**

"No answer"

***Noin***

The bold tap of heels paces across the floor, left to right, right to left, up and down, down and up. She never stops. Pacing is the only thing keeping her from collapsing I a weird sense. She just has to keep moving. She can't think of anything until he gets here.

In this room, with the windows and shelves she was here. In this room with the desk in the middle and couches to the right she was here. In this room, her presence is still noticeable. That letter on the computer still hasn't been touched and will not be touched till my husband gets here. I came here early to get something he needed for a meeting some place on L1 or L2. When I arrived, a woman was leaving the building. She had long dark, dark brown hair, just like dark chocolate. She wore baggy pants that could have been too big for her and tennis shoes. She had a bag that she picked up on her way out of the building. She stuffed files. Before I could get out of the car, she was already gone. I got only a glimpse of her face. With just that glimpse, I noticed something that I didn't want to admit. This person resembled Relena in almost every way.

When I made up to the office, everything was there. Not a single paper was out of place. The phone was still gone and the quilt was still on the window sill. The same path went around the desk in the just right steps. Nothing was different.

Was she a secretary? Who was she? I was about to leave the office to go back to the lobby. That is when I noticed something different. Although I have come used to it, it really isn't anything new. On the monitor was one single envelope just like before she went missing.

I was scared to take a step forward. Was it from Milliardo? Reaching out, I grabbed the letter and turned it over. There in plain print read:

Relena

Of course, I didn't know how to react. I didn't know what to do. I had the urge to rip it open but restrained myself. Was that girl…her? I just went with my first reaction.

I ran to the elevator, out of the lobby, and outside. I stumbled on my own feet but kept running. Yards away in the parking lot, a car sat. The tinted windows prevented me from seeing anything but an outline. That didn't even help.

Then, the person rolled down its window and dropped something. It looked like paper of some kind. What was it? I just watched. It was too dark and too far away for me to see a face. Even so, the person just sat there in the car looking straight at me. I could feel a yearning to run to them. I wanted so badly to scream…so I did.

"RELENA!!!" With such a scream, my voice crocked and I wobbled. It wasn't like I was expecting a response but it felt right to yell it. I saw some reaction though. The person leaned forward and opened the door. They were about to step out when a sound went off. It was my phone. What if it was Milliardo? What if it was Heero, Duo, Quatre, Wufie, or Trowa? They need to know! They need to know! I just can't leave and let them get away.

Turning, I ran into the lobby and grabbed the phone and ran back out. The person was still there with the door open. They were hunched over for some reason. I answered the phone.

"Hello?" I was breathless

"Noin, are you alright? I called the secretary's phone and you didn't answer. Where are you?"

"MILLARDO!"

There was a jerk from the person. I couldn't help myself so I stepped forward, again, again, and again.

"What, what is it Noin? What's wrong?"

No matter how much I wanted to, I just couldn't. I couldn't tell him that I had found Relena when it may be a lie. I couldn't tell him there was a letter from Relena when that too may be a lie. I couldn't tell him anything until he got here.

So instead, I said, "You need to get here now and fast…call the boys!" click.

Hanging up, I slowly got closer. The closer I got, I noticed it was the girl from before. She was putting more and more paper on the ground. I just couldn't see what it was. When I got about 7 feet away, she placed the last paper down. They were pictures.

"Is that you, Relena?"

No answer.

"Relena?"

No answer.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?"

No answer.

I couldn't stand the silence so I pushed forward. I was 2 feet way from her. I could see the pictures. There was a person in them. I just couldn't tell who. Looking down on her, I noticed cuts and bruises. They looked new. If this was Relena, she truly has changed.

I tried again, with a whisper.

"Who are you?"

"…Lena"

"Lena, who?"

"…you, you don't want to know."

"I do, I do want to know!"

I couldn't believe it. Lena, Lena was Relena's nickname. Plus, that voice was different yet so familiar. I just couldn't see her face. I had to see her face.

Stepping a foot forward, I crouched down and tried to look through her long bangs. What I saw was a river of tears flowing down her cheeks and off her chin and nose. It was horrible. I wanted so badly to grab her and hug her. But, what if it really wasn't Relena?

Lifting a hand, I reached out to push her bangs away but it happened too fast.

Next thing I knew, my arm was painfully behind my back, I was on my knees, and hunched over. Eyes wider than wide, I tried to look over my shoulder but my arm was pulled back further causing me to yell.

"Don't you dare touch me!" A shaky voice screamed.

After a minute or two of a harmful grip, I was released to fall forward onto the ground. I couldn't speak. As her car door slammed, another car came. It was a truck. To be exact, it was Duo's truck. Hilde jumped out of the car, running to me and Duo speed toward the car just a foot or two away from me.

I wanted to scream. The car speed away and down the highway and Duo went after it. Hilde was by my side, rubbing my arms, asking me what happened. I just couldn't speak. I pointed to the papers on the ground and she grabbed them as we headed for the building once more. As she called the others again, I went back up to the office. I went back to the letter and waited for Milliardo to show up.

Even though it couldn't be Relena in so many ways, I just felt like I knew it was her.

TBC*


	3. you dont know how much

"What I have become"

**Chapter three**

"You don't know how much"

***Relena***

My heart was pounding. I was afraid it was going to rip out of my ribs and fall upon the ground for Noin to see. She was so close. She was so close. She knew. She knew! She said my name! Even though it's just a name, that voice just made me crumble. She doesn't know! She doesn't know what I am! She doesn't know what has happened! She doesn't know what I have become! She doesn't know, she doesn't know what is going to happen! She has to run! She has, she has to get away from me…if she touches me…

Tears slipped down my cheeks. She just kept saying it. She just kept saying my name over and over! It hurts. I can't control the hurt. I want to yell, I want to scream, out and just tell her but I can't. I am not what she thinks.

Tears just kept flowing down and off my chin and nose. My body keeps shaking. Why, why didn't I leave when I had the chance? I KNEW she would find the letter! I KNEW she would come running! I knew! I knew yet I stayed. I wanted her to see me. I wanted to see HER! It is bad enough that I haven't see her in 6 whole years! She is my sister-in-law and I can't even see her. I can't talk to her. I can't talk to my brother…I can't talk to anybody.

Her coming up to me is just like sitting in fire. It burns and burns and will keep burning until you finally get out of the fire. Even so, you are still burning, the pain is still there! It will be a long, long time till the pain will fully leave you! The pain is still here! I am still in the fire but I'm afraid to leave.

Then, she bent down. I could feel it. She was just in front of me. This kind of contact is what I have been longing for. I have to dig my nails into my arms to prevent myself from jumping on her.

The next part took me by surprise. I saw her hand reach out and touch my hair. I see the strands, like curtains, move and uncover my hiding place. If she touches me, if she touches me they will know. If she touches me she will know. If she touches me, I'm going to have to do something I really don't want to do. She can't find out. She just can't.

Grabbing her wrist, I twisted her arm, spun her around, and pulled her arm around her back. I could tell she had no idea what just happened. She was frozen. She just can't find out. She can't see me. She can't know what I am! If she knows then "they" will make me do something bad.

I began to shake uncontrollably. I couldn't take it. I tried and tried my best to pretend this wasn't happening. I tried to imagine someone entirely different on the ground besides her. As much as I tried, the more the truth slapped me in the face. She just can't know.

She began to turn her head. I saw it. She was trying to go unnoticed. Well, I have certainly changed. I see your single strands of hair sliding in the other direction. I see your neck turn and your clothes crinkle. I see you eyes begin to meet mine. Though, it's my eyes that will give me away.

Pulling her arm further back and pushing her further down, she began to cry out. That horrible sound, that sound is unbelievable. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to.

Building my voice, I couldn't make it stop shaking. I couldn't stop crying.

I just couldn't let her know. "Don't you dare touch me!"

I could feel her tense. She was frightened by me. Has my voice changed? Does she already know? Is someone coming? I couldn't think. I just couldn't answer my questions. I couldn't just stand here like this. She is pain!

Question after Question kept popping my head until 2 minutes passed. I couldn't believe this. How could this happen? Why did she have to come? Why did I stay?

I have to leave!

Clouding my mind, I pushed her down and ran into the car and slammed the door. Then, that same old truck came speeding past its limit. I was ready but a chase when a person jumped out of the car. I had to turn around. I had to know who it was.

Looking behind me, I saw her. It was Hilde. She was beautiful. I haven't see her in so long. I can't believe it. I want to talk to her. I want to be her friend again. I don't want to be the bad guy who just nearly held Noin hostage. How is this happening?

I was ready to jump out the car when that little ole truck started speeding my way. I panicked. Throwing my car into gear and slamming on the gas, I heard the screeches and cries, and sped away. Trees and buildings and lights blurred past me like I was going back to the present because I was stuck in the past. Switching shifts, I turned sharply with another cry against the pavement and sped forward again. That tiny truck kept up with me the entire way or was it me who didn't give it my all?

I began to notice when my life began to revert back to present. The buildings began to gradually fade in the distance and the houses began to disappear from view. The roads began to become bumpy and turned to gravel. The trees build a wall around me, preventing me from any quick escape.

I pushed the car faster and faster. I was up to 160miles per hour and that little truck wasn't far behind. It must be Duo. I knew it was yet I wasn't sure. Only he would ride my tail the whole way until his little truck gave up or someone called him back. I just kept going. I'll turn in another direction if he gets too close to the base. I just hope I won't have to do that.

Finally, the trees disappeared in an instant and welcomed a clearing. There was nothing on both sides but dirt and distance upon distance. In that distance was a straight short cut to the base if I need it. I took a chance and swerved so sharp that I nearly just flipped.

I shot across the field full throttle and keep making sharp turns until that truck began to lag behind. When I couldn't see him anymore, I began to slow down. If I keep going like this, they will just follow my tracks to the base. If I get out of the car and walk, they could just follow my footsteps. It was risky but it's usually windy out here and I can take the risk.

I slammed on the brake and seat belt must have given me a definite bruise across my chest. Gathering the files and anything important, I stepped out of the car. I was about to begin my journey when I realized I forgot something.

The files slipped from my fingers and scattered on the ground. Darting back into the car and forcing the dashboard box open. One single picture rested in that box. It was my most special picture.

In the picture was everybody hand in hand. Everybody was smiling and laughing. I mean EVERYBODY. Starting from the left it went in the order from Lady Une, Trowa, Wufie, Quatre, Dorothy, Sally, Catherine, and Hilde, Duo, Noin, Milliardo, Me, and Heero. We were on a beach with the setting sun rippling orange colors off the water. The sand was warm against our bare feet and the wind messed up our hair. Sun dresses flared up, hats flew off our heads, shirts fluttered, and pants flapped back and forth. Nothing was still, nothing was planned, and everything was perfect. Nothing was fake.

Even the people that would never truly smile for anything were smiling the widest smiles. It was our only vacation that everyone went on. It was the only time everyone was together and nothing was in crisis. Only on that one day did we all really smile.

There is only one copy of this picture and it is in my hands. I took it everywhere with me. Now, I have to let it go. Setting it down in the set, I gathered the files and papers that scattered and began my long journey to the base in the distance. It was going to be a long one. The quiet will help me settle though.

***Duo***

I drove as fast as I could. All I know is that this person can drive. He swerving and turning. He nearly flipped but that was awesome. The only thing that ticks me off is that he had to go off the road. I can't turn that fast in the dirt with rocks! This guy is a flat out cheater! Plus, he pushed own Noin! This guy doesn't know what he is in for man. Messing with Noin is like messing with Relena with Milliardo. If you mess with his girls, then you are a dead man. If you make one of them cry or even gasp at a little pinch, then you are going to pay for that little pinch. You will not and cannot lay a single finger on his girls!

If Relena was still around, then he wouldn't let her out of his sight. I have no idea where this guy was heading but we haven't had any big crisis since Relena disappeared. I have never heard Milliardo sound so totally freaked on the phone. I thought Noin was pregnant or something with the way he was acting. Then again, he wouldn't call ME to say something like that.

Driving around, following the tracks, I finally get to the car. Well of course, it's totally abandoned. This dumbass must have forgotten that you can't out run a truck! All I have to do is find him and run over his ass. It should be fun. I have to say though; this guy must have gone easy on me. This car is one of the newest and fastest. He probably could have gone over 200miles per hour if he wanted to.

Getting out of the truck, I go and check out the car. It really is a beauty. There isn't a scratch on it. Leaning over the seats to look in the floors and dashboard, there is nothing there. This guy is smart about one thing. He took everything important. There isn't a single scrap of paper anywhere in this car! Dude, where is the beer? If you have a nice car like this then you should at least stock the car with the necessary appliances!

Leaning away, a picture falls to the ground at my feet. Maybe it's a clue. Picking up the picture, I go to the truck for some light. It is getting pretty damn dark out here. I can't see anything but the stars and moon.

Switching on the light, I flip the photo over.

"Now let's see what we got here…"

With one glance at the photo, I knew what it was. I couldn't stop starring. It was that one picture that only Relena had. We only made one copy even though everybody wanted one. She was the only one with the copy. If she was the one with the copy, then why is it here in that car?

Slamming the key into ignition, and driving back to the road I fumble with the phone. Ring, ring, ring, and come on pick up the phone!

Finally the call goes through, and I'm back on the road.

I can't believe it, I cannot believe it. The bad guy, the bad guy has something to do with Relena!

"Duo, this better be important." A groggy voice answered.

"It is important! Why aren't you up?"

"Because it is my week off and I said that will not take any calls about any nonsense so unless you want to be dead, this better be good."

"Didn't Milliardo call you?"

"Yea, 8 times, what is going on Duo…what is Noin pregnant or something?"

"THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT! Wait, that's beside the point."

"THEN GET TO THE FREAKING POINT BEFORE I KILL YOU!"

"Okay, okay, Noin went up to the office and didn't call Milliardo like she said she would. Milliardo freaked out and called her to make sure she was fine…"

"Get to the point, DUO!"

"She answered and told him to call us and to get to the building fast! When I got there, this car was there. I chased it a good couple miles till they abandoned the car…"

"You called me…to tell me…you let this guy get away? I swear you want to die, Duo!"

"LISTEN TO ME! I went through the car and there was something only ONE person in the WHOLE world has! Do you know what that something is?"

"No."

"It was that photo we all took on that vacation! It was that photo that only one person got! It was that photo in that car!"

"…"

"HEERO ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? I'm talking about RELENA!"

"…"

"Get to the building!"

"Duo, who was driving the car?"

"I don't know, I didn't see its face."

_Click_

"Here we go again buddy ole boy…"

TBC*


End file.
